when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
