"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
