are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
vagina is talking i cant
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
