Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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