Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
