i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
