Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
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