I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Floor bacon is actually really good
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
