Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
