And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
