im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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