...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
