Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
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And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.