some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Of course I have a pirate flag
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...