that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.