She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out