Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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