i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
