I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
