Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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