i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
