i think i have two assholes
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
