Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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