Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
