i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
