she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
