In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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