I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
