1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
