My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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