she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
