my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
