All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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