so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
