He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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