He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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