I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
