where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize