It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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