I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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