I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
