I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
