ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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