Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
