My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
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So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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