You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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