theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
