She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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