That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just invented taco cereal.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
