Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
