dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
where are you?
Hypothermia
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
