Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
