Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
