Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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