i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
