Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
