my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
They took my balls.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
