my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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