I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
