I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
