Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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