he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Rumble strips road head = magical
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Randomize
