Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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