i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
