Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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