Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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