Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
