i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
