Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
