What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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