Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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