Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
