just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Will exercising make me less horny?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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