i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
