so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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