i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
