So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Is it penis luge time yet?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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