I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
