I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
