That's intense
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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