I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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