I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
